I am fifty and a lesbian. I have had a pretty active sex life for the last thirty years, including a couple of long-term relationships. For the last three years, I've been with a woman I love very much. We have amazing sexual chemistry — by far the best I have experienced.
After all, getting busy with your own bod can help you chuck unwanted inhibitions. Throw out any taboos or guilt surrounding masturbation right now. Pleasuring yourself has health benefits that go beyond the body — it can help untangle shame that affects confidence with yourself, partnered sex, or in a relationship. You may notice that stimulating in round patterns feels better than up and down, or that you enjoy stimulation using your inner labia over your clitoris rather than direct clitoral stimulation. A little teasing yourself can also amp up the pleasure and save on hand cramps.
Since the dawn of time, men have been comparing penis sizes for sport and, cough, reminding themselves that size doesn't always matter. Women aren't immune to comparisons — one in seven, according to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists , has actually considered getting the lips of her vagina surgically trimmed. Does the size of that matter? I recently discovered I have a small clitoris, after interviewing a famous gynecologist about the mysterious clitoris and begging her to take a quick peek at mine. This was something I had never thought about before, and I had to know: What does it mean for my sex life?!
How cliterate are you? It's important to know what you're working with down there, so grab a mirror, spread 'em, and check out the glans of the clitoris and the hood, says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. This is helpful not just to explore different sensations and various types of touch with your sight as a guide, but because what you see affects how you get off. Turns out, size and location matter.